Thursday, September 29, 2005
sighh.. it's all so weird how everything just happened.. blogs? practically useless to me.. but it just allows me to reveal whatever i want i guess w/o ppl interfering much i guess.. i feel so crushed.. so destroyed by everything.. sometimes i feel so upset.. but i realli try..i look happi yet ******* keep complaining to me.. (btw *.. is a person's name not aniting bad) i tolerated her.. but she keep complaining.. haii.. that's one reason whyy i dun tell ppl aniting.. i'm afraid because if i tell them they'll feel the same wae as me then.. they so stressed up but i go n disturb them.. but what i'm doing now makes me feel so hard.. so crushed.. sometimes u wanna just go n tell someone everything.. but u're just so afraid.. fear grips you.. it bounds u or confines u to this small box.. u try hard to get out.. but u can't.. cos it's tight.. then.. to this person.. it was u.. LAST time.. but now.. not mine.. you're HERS.. so it's okayy.. i'm willing to stop in order to stop myself from feeling much worse in future..
people sae things that hurt so much u wanna just breakdown.. but u don't u don't wan them to c u as weak.. u pretend to take it in ur stride.. u walk awae.. the tears roll down.. but when they look at u.. u're face shows a different expression.. u feel as though u've got two faces or more.. but everything just happens.. i can't stop it.. neither can anyone.. it breaks my heart so many times.. i feel so destroyed but no one noes.. n ******* just shut up.. i'm sorry.. but i no time to entertain just some small physical pain.. bcos i realised that mental pain n heartaches are so much more pain than any physical pain.. i wanna go back to the way everything was just years ago.. but nothing seem to matter anymore.. because everyone's different now.. including me.. so nothing's gonna go back.. it's just gonna continue moving forward.. looking into the future.. n not back at the past.. i miss the candles that were giving out light and not the wax dropping on the table bit my bit.. making it smaller.. shorter.. weaker.. n more crushed.. light me once more.. pick up all my wax.. put a string in me.. light me up again.. so i can give out light just once more.. ONCE more.. that's all i ask for..
*continue flickering.. light me once more.. just don't die off.. please keep burning..
Thursday, September 29, 2005;
