Wednesday, November 09, 2005
things in the world have hurt.. things in the world have provided joy.. but whether joy or hurt.. there's always a lil room for REGRETS don't you think.. 1)i regret not studying hard n having to end up in 3e6.. 2)i regret not being a better friend to others.. 3)i regret for not being able to make good or better decisions for my OWN life.. 4)i regret not doing quiet time n feeling the presence of God n walking closer to Him before.. 5)i regret not resisting temptations that come my way.. 6)i regret not spending time with God and waste my time on the com or watching tv all day.. 7)i regret not being able to just communicate with others better.. 8)I REGRET LOSING ALL THE BEST FRIENDS I USE TO HAVE.. NOT ONE BUT FIVE.. that's my greatest regret.. but what to do sehh.. i can't change the way things are.. or how i am.. but i guess there are so many other things that i can change? sighh.. 3e6 has like 11 retainees.. and most of them are like.. i dunno.. not serious de.. i wanna get good grades next yr.. i just hope i won't b influenced by them.. sighh.. but yes.. people were telling me.. GOD PLACED U THERE FOR A PURPOSE.. i noe.. but i'm afraid.. lately i'm afraid of so many things.. i dun despise them or anything.. just that.. sighh.. i'm afraid to go to sec 3 i feel like retaining.. i'm serious.. i'm just afraid.. it's all happening too quick.. in a few days i'm 14.. 14 yrs of my life has passed.. but have i really done aniting to make anione proud? to just change someone's life.. to b a good friend to anione in the first place.. sighh.. no one realli loves me but God.. yeshh.. i'm unique n individual.. different.. okayy.. not exactly love.. nor care or concern.. just bother about me.. it's kinda good.. when u're saying parents.. cos it means more freedom.. but when u sae about friends or something.. den it kinda sux.. sch.. not mani bothers la kayy.. i dun even realli have one good friend.. i have friends not like millions but yes quite a no. but everyone has good friends they trust.. although the ocassional quarrels.. but me..? bcos i hardly trust ppl.. they dun trust me.. is it? i dunno? church.. almost all my best friends came from there.. but all of them just seem like one by one i'm losing them.. i already lost the first one from pri sch all bcos of my childishness.. second one from church.. bcos she changed.. she left.. things turned drastic.. it couldn't b savaged.. third one.. from secondary sch.. i made the first stupid move to end it all.. fourth n most recent one.. i'm still hanging on.. although we're not as close animore.. i just hope to still have her as my best friend.. i'm pathetic dun u tink.. mayb i just can't have any best friends.. also.. there's this friend i use to hv.. she used to b my close friend.. veh close.. now still close but like good friends only? she was 'taken away' by someone.. now.. there's this girl.. she's kinda like a good friend to me.. BUT i know that she can't b my best friend or good friend.. cos i'm not cut out to b her good/best friend.. unfortunately.. things don't always go my way when it comes to friendship.. in fact.. IT STINKS.. i'm such a fool.. almost all of my best friendships were ended by me.. ALL BY me!!! Hhow sucky is that.. i feel pathetic.. almost useless.. not being able to savage a friendship that i broke.. mayb it's bcos i'm just too thick-skinned.. too naive.. too irresponsible.. to idiotic.. i'm an almost useless pathetic fool.. mayb close to one.. very.. sighh.. i wanna b good friends with her but i can't.. i wanna go back to the way things were now.. pls.. i'm close to begging now.. i wish i wish i wish.. if only there were real genies to grant me 3 wishes.. but their all fairytales.. that's whyy now i LOVE fairytales.. cos that's where i can dream.. n wonder.. without anyone stopping me.. i wanna go rest lerrh.. just tired.. not by the day's events but by the things that i'm thinking.. so yeahh.. nites.. God bless..
Wednesday, November 09, 2005;
